Lessons In Hope: Nicole Clarke Mitchell On Overcoming Avoidancy To Find True Love

“I came to realise that my avoidance was an inability to receive.”

So much of love is about hope, trust and letting go. In this series, I interview women about how they overcame heartbreak and setbacks to find love again.

By Nicole Clarke Mitchell

My first big adult relationship left me pretty bruised and some serious walls went up around my heart. That break up was painful and tumultuous – I was very lonely and it was during this time I realised that I’d completely lost touch with who I was and what I wanted, not only in a relationship but for myself and my life.

I decided to move to the UK and at the same time I started a relationship with a man not moving to the UK. He had a very open heart and so much love to give but I simply didn’t know what to do with it. I had only dated emotionally unavailable men and he was the opposite. I felt adored for the first time and I didn’t know how to receive it, so I ended up just putting space between us instead. Part of me thought I was trying to protect myself because I knew I was leaving for London. But I think the deeper truth is that I hadn’t learned how to let love in.

Nicole Clarke Mitchell

I did the thing most avoidants tend to do – avoid – and I moved halfway across the world. But the pandemic had different plans. When Covid-19 hit, I had to move back home to Australia and I had no choice but to fully let go. I found myself back in my childhood bedroom thinking: what the fuck. All my friends were settling down, getting married, having kids and I wasn’t even meeting people.