7 Women On Being Single For 4+ Years

“I am learning to find love with myself.”

I wanted to speak to women in this community who had been single for years. Not one or two years, but four or more. What these women shared has cracked me open and has me questioning everything I thought I knew about being single. Most of all, I loved this from Denise: “Being single isn’t this “limbo” or “waiting period” to sit in while you wait and hope to be chosen.” I felt this in the body. It’s so true. I love that all of these stories have different textures—you’ll hear some women yearning for more, others reflecting on how they want things to stay the same. But Denise sums it up so perfectly, because wherever we are is where we’re meant to be—there is no such thing as a waiting period. Our lives are not on pause while we find love. In my experience, that just happens in the background while we’re learning to become the women we’re truly meant to be…

NATALIE, 39
SINGLE FOR: 4 YEARS

“Until I was divorced four years ago, I was always in a series of long-term relationships and had been since I was about 14. The past four years have been an incredible time of exploration and self-discovery through being single or at least in relationships I didn’t consider serious or “forever.” Divorce really threw me, and for the first two years I spent my time simply surviving and focussing on work and parenting. I dated in a very unintentional and even closed off way that was driven by self interest. When I reflect, I see that I’ve often subconsciously chosen unavailable partners—long distance, emotionally distant. I think that was happening because I myself wasn’t ‘available"‘ for a relationship in the true sense (deep partnership, vulnerability, communication and connection).